See! I told you it would rain.
She was almost smug as we stood together looking out onto her beautiful deck – where we had planned to have dinner. Puddles were forming where the place settings were. Our meal would now be inside. Cozy, yes. Still with my friend, yes. Dry, absolutely. A little disappointed, that too.
Without suggesting you can control the weather, you can control your thoughts. You’ve heard it a million times: you get what you think about; what you think expands; if you believe it, you can achieve it. Each person has their own way of saying it. Do you have one you resonate with? Is it something you even think about?
All that chatter in your head is saying something. You might as well have it work for you by being deliberate in what’s going on in there. Check in. Listen. If you don’t like what’s being said, change the channel. Choose different words. Focus on something you want – instead of all the things you don’t have.
Practice being right about what you want to be right about.
Going back to the dinner with my friend – she had mentioned rain in every conversation we’d had all week – it’s going to rain. What if it rains? I don’t want it to rain. She was right, it rained, and we ate indoors. But is that truly what she wanted to be right about? I think not, because otherwise we would have planned dinner around her kitchen table instead of on her beautiful deck.
When you start to be aware of words – those in your head – and those others are saying, you’ll see the default is usually the negative (what you don’t want). When you say, “don’t forget to buy bananas on your way home,” it’s too easy to follow that up with “I knew you’d forget to buy the bananas.”
Whereas, if you frame it as a helpful reminder – “please remember to pick up the bananas on your way home,” the, “I knew you’d forget” doesn’t flow as easily. When you start asking for what you want (for someone to remember, instead of not forget), you’ll find most of the time you end up with what you asked for and “I knew you’d forget” will gather dust until it disappears forever.
The same works in your head. If you’re constantly saying/thinking I don’t want to be late, chances are you’re constantly apologizing for…being late. If you don’t want to be late, I’m guessing that means you want to be on time. Then just say that: I want to be on time. When you practice that – the pieces will fall into place naturally – and you’ll be right! Because you will be on time.
Think of words you routinely say, whether to yourself – or others, that state very clearly (now that you’re aware) something you don’t want. Now, take a moment to reframe it into something you DO want and say it again. Say it again until it feels natural. Until it just rolls off your tongue and will now easily replace your old expression.
Please share your reframe with us, just the new words! There’s plenty of space below. All of us will benefit.